Gym nightmares

I used to HATE people talking about going to the gym, well I hated anyone who brought up exercise in any form. Because I am lazy! I don't want to hear about you amazing workout because I probably had an amazing cocktail in front of me with a double burger, spicy wings and a large portion of chips. 

I AM A GLUTON!!

I love food more than I love life!! And then something amazing happened.. I fell in love with healthy food.. Broccoli, cauliflower, carrots, peas, zucchini, you name it, I loved it and obviously still do. I'll have a burger any day of the week, as long as the patty is freshly made with lean mince, fresh toppings and chips fried in no trans-fat oils. It's healthier, it's tastier and 70% of the time it's bigger!

 Working my ridiculous hours, a balanced diet is a MUST, and let's face it, greasy food takes the will to be productive like the Taxman takes our hard earned money! But, alas, this new habit wasn't enough, I had to get a hobby to get my mind off the stress of having to deal with irresponsible, idiotic staff and egotistical asshole customers day in and day out. So my boss suggested I go to the gym, I do hope it's not because of the "African ass" (as my one waiter likes to point out) that started to take over my jeans... :/ Nevertheless I joined the local gym and slowly (oh so very slowly) started liking it. Then I started LOVING it! My whole week was planned around my gym time and if I couldn't go for more than 4 days you had a VERY grumpy manager that could scare the living hell out of a lion. (Seriously)Now I buy more gym clothes than anything else in my closet and Friday night drinking was soon forgotten cause I had to get up on a Saturday to do 2 hours of intense cardio and weight training.


But living in a town full of students that are always following the latest trend, which in this case is to go to the gym, means that the gym is often over crowded and you seem to wait forever to get a turn on any of the machines...(Well except the ones made to work your legs, hehe) Now I have NO problem waiting for equipment when the person/s using them are actually training. But the kids that are in the gym to... We'll get to that.



My pet peeves in the gym (yes I actually will go home without working out because of these things):

1. There is about a million people in the gym, everyone is working on their chest, back, shoulders and abs (note how no-one is doing legs) which means most of the equipment is preoccupied. And here you have Mr. I'm-still-trying-to-go-heavy-but-I'm-not-actually-strong-enough and he wants to do a hundred sets of 2, resting for 5min every time! These one's makes me want to hurl the whole machine at them! (Unfortunately I'm not strong enough (see I can realize this)) STOP WASTING MY TIME and go lift some of the 2kg dumbbells, dumbass!




2. The one's who come to look at themselves rather than to actually work out. Get your tiny legs to the leg press and leave your pathetic arms alone! Assface



3. The bouncing bunnies (especially dislike those) the girls that's hopping around in the weight section WITHOUT a jumping rope and trying oh so hard to get Mr. I'm-too-sexy-to-do-legs' attention. Hop along little bunny before someone gets hurt, and by someone I mean YOU!







4. If you sweat more than an obese guy in the KFC line at mid-summer, WIPE DOWN THE FREAKIN EQUIPMENT! Goodness how is this NOT common sense??

5. The socializing group. Ok, great you have a whole team to workout with, but please workout all the other muscles besides your tongue! I do NOT want to hear about what who the F*%^$ ever Sandy is did and I especially don't want to hear it while waiting for a spot to do some real exercises.

6. The changing rooms are only that big, would you mind putting one of your 4 gigantic bags on the floor so that we (the rest of the paying clientele) can also use the benches to change or fill water or whatever the hell we want... Selfish much!

7. Don't throw the weights around you moron! If you can't put it down properly you might want to consider using a lighter one.

8. Please wear clothes that fit!! I do NOT need to see your g-string that can barely contain your love-handles THROUGH black tights that was meant for the weight you're still aspiring to be!!! Buying bigger has no shame, walking around like a tied up marshmallow is!





9. Don't come and have conversations with me!! I'm not being rude when I ONLY give you a brief "Hello" or "Goodbye" but I'm trying to stay focused... some of those legs and arms can be real distracting you know ;)

And finally nr 10!
DON'T GIVE OTHER PEOPLE NASTY LOOKS!! The guys are getting worse than the girl! You know what bouncing bunny, that big girl you're laughing at is atleast starting to solve her problem! She might even never be as skinny as you but at least she's not a shallow little s*&% who can't keep her gym tights on long enough to get the guys name! YOU make me sick and one day I am going to stand up for that big girl that I don't even know and then I do hope you can think and run as fast as you can get a guy in your pants.


PHEEWWWW that feels better.

Thanks for another fine ranting session!

See you soon my fellow word lovers...